last pursuit of fruit post

I will keep my last post on this particular blog simple and profound as I think about sleep this month.

Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Please check out my new blog @ bearmuchfruit.com 

pressing pause

I used to have to get everything done before I could sleep.  Until I checked each individual box off my to-do list for the day, I would not be able to rest.  If I tried I would just lie in bed and think about every task that was still lingering.  Part of this is my natural bent and personality while the other part is a result of unhealthy defense mechanisms I created throughout years of living with disordered eating.  Regardless, I liked living this way.  All of my ducks were in a row and it was neat and clean and simple.

Then I got a full time teaching job.

Then I got married.

Then I had a baby.

And now my way of living is not keeping up with the demands of my life.  And I am slowly allowing my mind to transition out of this neat and clean lifestyle into an authentic, real, wonderful life in which I can sleep whether "everything is done" or not.  And even though it is hard, I am convinced that it will produce fruit.

We just returned home from an amazing vacation in Portland, OR visiting family, and I can honestly say this is the first time in months that I have truly been able to unwind.  Even though I am in the very center of busy and exciting life changes including closing on a house in 2 weeks and very recently starting a new job, I am learning how to push pause.  I am learning how to leave my to-do list left incomplete as I embrace a messy and beautiful life.  

In Portland I truly let go.  I stopped carrying the details.  I stopped thinking about the fact that we are moving in two weeks and I literally only have one box of books packed.  I stopped worrying about the specifics of what I was going to say during my first 90 minute training session for the staff at my school in this new position.  I stopped brainstorming paint colors for our kitchen and let go of thinking about what we will do with Eden while moving and painting at our new place.

I pushed pause on all of the chaos and was able to truly enjoy a break from all of the noise.  Not because the demands were removed or the unending tasks were completed, but because I chose to refocus my thinking and intentionally pause to rest.

This skill of pressing pause is one I will have to continue to practice again and again and again as I train myself in habits of health.

 

sleep is productive

I hate wasting time.  Time is precious and I just cringe at the thought of time lost to meaningless pursuits. 

I used to view sleep as a waste of time, until I had a baby.  

And then the sleep of this precious little girl took over my entire life.

At nine months old, she has slept through the night once.  Even though she is totally worth every ounce of exhaustion, it is an understatement to say that I am tired.  It has been through this life-changing, amazing, and exhausting experience of parenting that I have really started learning about the negative effects that come with lack of sleep.  

In my own body, I've noticed many headaches, little energy, increased hunger, stinging eyes, impatience, and holistic exhaustion when I have not gotten enough sleep.  I tend to get very overwhelmed when I am overtired, and small problems with simple solutions can become paralyzing.

Beyond my own observations, this infograph efficiently depicts what sleep does for our body, therefore making it quite productive.  

 

Infographic by Alissa Scheller for Huffington Post 

When I get adequate sleep, I am also more productive during my awake time.  What might take me an hour at the end of a long day running on little sleep could only take twenty minutes with a well rested body and clear mind.

Next time I have 45 minutes all to myself, I'm going to spend it the most productive way possible- sleeping!

my first nap

At the beginning of the week I asked Christer to take a picture of me anytime I napped.  After he laughed, he excitedly agreed.  He is by far my biggest advocate when it comes to sleeping more.  I had amazing intentions of napping every day and getting my 8 hours of sleep each night, backed with an encouraging and supportive husband.

Then Eden got her first fever on Tuesday, which sent all of my great intentions out the window.  First because it threw off her sleep and second because I, of course, freaked out.

The first issue is that I was out and about for half of the day before I even realized she had a fever.  She felt warm in the morning, but I had too many things to get done and therefore did not think much of it, going on with my plans to leave her in someone else's care for the morning while I worked.  When we finally returned home hours later, she was not acting like herself so I checked her temperature to see 102.3 and I panicked.  First fear.  Then guilt.

Once our doctor helped me adjust to the reality that this was not an emergency, babies get fevers, and we just needed to keep an eye on her and keep her cool, I relaxed a bit.  And once I saw that 102.3 drop into the 100's within a few hours, I calmed down into low grade fever mode, still concerned but no longer panicked.

In low grade fever mode, I saw an opportunity to snuggle with my daughter, enjoy her sweet cuddles, and rest myself.  Kind of perfect that this happened now, during sleep month.  So I cancelled all of our plans for the following days to be home so I could give her my full attention and care.

But sure enough, the next day I STILL managed to find stuff to do.  Even though I had cancelled multiple plans with the intention of relaxing with Eden and taking long luxurious naps, I somehow found myself on the way to the grocery store and then home frantically making freezer meals to stock up before my return to work and our upcoming move.  I had a pork shoulder roasting in the oven and soup on the stove all before lunch.

And after getting Eden down for a nap, simmering the soup and flipping the pork, I finally thought about what I had done.  I had been so frantic while shopping and cooking that it was almost an out of body experience; once I snapped back into reality, I shook my head wondering what is the deal here?  This is not only my month of sleep, but also my time to care for my sweet and feverish daughter.

This was the opposite of health. 

This desire for health is so much more than just physical.  It is holistic.  I want to learn how to rest and sleep because it physically benefits my body, but also because of the opportunity it presents to exercise self-control in choosing how to spend my time.

As a teacher, summer is my break, my gift after a long school year, and what kept me motivated to get up and leave Eden to go to work everyday for the four months I went back after maternity leave.  And here I was, with the perfect opportunity to rest and snuggle with her, which is ultimately how I want to spend every second of every day, and yet I was rushing around stressed unnecessary meal prep.  How stupid?

So I asked God for help.  Help me solve this problem.  And as I prayed and listened, I remembered John 10:10 which says, "The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy."

There is an unseen world and an enemy who wars for my soul.  And it became clear to me that this enemy set me up, distracting me with meaningless tasks to steal my precious time with Eden, to kill my joy, and to destroy the miracle of the present moment.

And worse yet, I had jumped right into this trap, thrilled at the thought of making meals even though I had a much more important place to focus my attention.  It was suddenly clear to me.  I cannot rest, not to mention sleep, because I am too busy and far too easily distracted by task.

This same time-wasting trap of busyness was also set for me years ago as I wasted so much of my adolescence staring at the mirror and starving myself, and here I was being distracted again by meaninglessness.

And upon this realization I wept.

I turned off the burners (safety first) and then ran into Eden's room, grabbing her out of her crib just to hold her.  I felt her soft skin and kissed her smooth cheeks.  I just stared at her, meditating on the miracle of her life, fully engaging in the incredible moment and gift of motherhood.  And in that sacred moment, I made a vow to become more healthy in this area, to change my poor habits, to fight busyness with every intention, and to keep my focus on the most important things.    

I returned her to her crib and then surrendered to my exhaustion by collapsing on the couch to sleep.  And I officially took my first nap.

Christer was more than willing to photograph this monumental event.

August: Sleep

Remember that confession I wrote at the beginning of the year that I have been confessing each day during this pursuit of health?  Through consistently asking God for help according to His word, I have recently felt convicted about one particular phrase: "Help me not to labor in vain." The combination of that confession along with Psalm 127:2 inspired this habit for August.

Psalm 127: 2 says, "It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat, for God gives rest to His loved ones.

You see I like to do stuff.  I like to be busy.  And I have a lot to do.  New part time job to prepare for.  New house to work on.  Old house to pack.  Baby to care for.  House to keep.  Mouths to feed.  Clothes to clean.  Blog post to write.  New blog to design.  Book to edit.

And I recently realized that I am addicted to "doing."  This week I have been going to bed past 11:00 PM and getting up by 5:00 AM, all the while still often getting up in the middle of the night with my sweet Eden.  I am a dangerous combination of a morning person AND a busy body means I get up early to begin my tasks and stay up as late as I need to finish everything for the day.  One day this week by 5:15 AM I had chicken cooking in the oven, rice cooking on the stove, beans soaking, baby food steaming, and clothes washing and diapers drying.  I have been guilty of burning the candle at both ends which results in a lack of sleep which results in a lack of health.

What is shocking is that I do not have much to show for all of my labor during this past week.  I do not really know what I have been doing all day.  Thinking.  Planning.  Making calendars.  Pinning cool paint colors.  Daydreaming about blog designs.  Making a list of what to pack and when.  Training myself for work.  Making schedules and trying to figure out how I am going to make it through this incredibly exciting but also detailed transition.

Most of my labor has in vain and has not produced much fruit.  As Psalm 127:2 says it is useless.  And this month I am determined to curb that busy-bee in me so I can sleep all in the name of health.

Habit: I want to place a higher value on sleep through studying its importance along with experiencing first hand the benefits of sufficient sleep.

Challenge: Sleep at least 8 hours a night.
This is kind of hard with our poor sleeper Eden who still tends to be up once or twice a night, but to the extent that I can control my sleep my general goal would be 9:30-5:30.  Despite her poor night sleep, she does go to bed at 7:00 and sleep amazing during the day and I can supplement this 8 hours with naps.  I am the WORST at naps because the busy bee in me cannot shut down my brain.  But I want to be healthy and I want to learn a new habit.  Pray for me this month! 

unlimited eating

I have STILL been recovering from the aftermath of a week of uncontrollable snacking.  Even though my protein shake has consistently kept me satisfied all morning, this tendency to snack has consistently snuck out with the lunch hour.

Over the past few days I decided to take my goal of focusing on adding something good to my eating habits, rather than restricting bad, to a new level with an experiment: unlimited eating of life-giving foods.  

I was intentional to choose foods that were life-giving as I was focusing on the feeling after eating along with the continual habit of making eating sacred.  I basically avoided sugar, dairy, and processed foods.  I have to say I felt amazing.  I ate a lot of nuts, fruit, beans, rice, chicken, and veggies.  A lot.

I gave myself freedom to spend money on a seemingly endless amount of these foods and freedom to eat as much as I desired whenever I was hungry.

The first day alone I ate a protein shake, 3 bowls of venison chili with brown rice, black beans, half of a watermelon, and 1/2 bag of cashews.

Looking back on the week, I have to say it really did curb my snacky mindset.  When snacking was no longer restricted, it was easier to focus on other things, trusting that whenever I would be hungry I would be free to eat as much as my body needed to stay satisfied.  

I am still developing a healthy trust relationship with my body and food.  Because I restricted my eating for so long, my body struggled to trust myself for sufficient nourishment.  And I am still breaking down the rules of bad and good foods along with restricting or indulging mindset.

I constantly redirect my focus back to Eden as I want to model health for my daughter and give her the freedom to create her own healthy eating habits as she becomes more independent.  These two little teeth have allowed us to continue introducing new foods and we are thankful that she enjoys the experience of exploring new flavors and textures.

I pray for health to permeate the atmosphere of our home every time we open our mouths to eat.

aftermath

I did a horrible job eating intentionally two weeks ago and have week been in the aftermath, recovering.

I was out of town on vacation with family with a lot of work to do, no internet to do it, lots of yummy snacks- the kinds I never buy- AND no shakes because I shared a protein shake on day 3 of my 10 days away sold the entire canister on the spot.

Even though I had an absolute BLAST hanging out with these guys

there were times in which I felt overwhelmed about the amount of work I could have done, stuck as I needed internet to do the majority of it, and overstimulated with exciting new updates that have transpired and now began in the recent weeks: 

New and perfect part-time job.
New house with move-in date.
New blog with new look, name, and URL (coming soon).
New book (also coming somewhat soon, maybe.)

More to come on the new updates. 

Because all of my snacking triggers were hit, I snacked a lot.  Chemical-loaded, sugary, buttery, fried, fatty, unsatisfying snacks.  All day every day for 10 days.

I am just as ashamed as I am amazed that I literally did such a horrible job honoring the healthy habit I set for myself.  Regardless, it happened and now I have to make a choice to move on and try again.

After all of this snacking, there is one thing I noticed.  Chemically processed foods have a horrible aftertaste.  I was way more in tune with my body than I have been in the past, and even though there were times when my mind was out of control, grabbing for endless amounts of chips and salsa, I was still kind of listening for my body's response.  And it wasn't good.

I realized that only the first few bites taste good.  Literally after 3 bites of a chocolate chip cookie the delicious and life-changing taste basically disappears.  Now most of the week this did not stop me from finishing the cookie and potentially even grabbing another, but I did notice that it stopped tasting good.  And within minutes of finishing the cookie, this really weird chemical taste lingered in my mouth for hours.

Just try it.  Eat a cookie or bowl of ice cream of brownie or something with the good stuff (and by good stuff I mean the bad stuff), and then tune into how you feel.  I noticed feeling bloated, uncomfortable, lethargic, with a lingering headache.  As a result I was unmotivated and lacking in energy.  Noting this feeling is motivating to avoid these binging sessions as there is no fruit.  I feel yucky and it even tastes yucky.  I want to make a habit of considering the aftermath as I open my mouth to eat.  

So as I sit in the aftermath of an unhealthy week, reflecting on the aftermath of these choices, I call to mind that apart from God I can do nothing.  (John 15:5)  And so I continue to ask God for help as I press on in the pursuit of health.

Lord please restore my health this year.  I can't do it without you.  I release the control of my body to you.  I recognize that it is not by will nor might that I will see health.  Give me patience as I wait for you to act and help me not to labor in vain.

protein 101

It is common knowledge that there are major health differences in frozen, canned, and fresh fruits and vegetables.  In that same way, not all protein is the same.  Because my focus this month is to eat intentionally by adding a daily protein shake to my lifestyle, it gave me a great opportunity to learn more about this protein and discovery why it stands out among the rest.

Why a protein shake?
It was pregnancy and now nursing that got me thinking protein.  I was aiming to consume 100 grams of protein a day while pregnant, and most days I barely hit 80-90 grams.  I found myself eating fatty cottage cheese, drinking glass upon glass of whole milk, constantly chowing steaks, and consuming eggs by the dozen just to meet my goal.  It was after gaining 60 pounds during pregnancy that I started to wonder if there was a healthier, more convenient and budget friendly way to consume an adequate amount of protein.

Why so many ingredients?
A common theory in the new whole foods / organic health movement is to stay away from foods with more than 3 ingredients or ingredients that cannot be pronounce, and because of this thought I was initially turned away from the idea of protein shakes.  However, the more research I have done the more I have learned that many of the huge words listed on my canister of protein are really active enzymes and life-giving, scientific based ingredients that add to my body and health.

What do I look for in protein?
I have recently been taught to check out the first 2 and last 2 ingredients when shopping for protein.  The beginning usually shares the content (soy, whey, etc) and the end usually reveals if artificially sweeteners have been used.  When talking protein, I have learned to stay away from soy and artificial sweeteners.

Why Isagenix protein?
While I am not a scientist, I will list my five favorite facts about the IsaLean shake, from the perspective of a non-expert.  I will also reference the articles that share the scientific stuff as there is no need for me to regurgitate all of that.

1. digestive enzymes which I can literally feel working in my body after enjoying a shake

2. gluten free and artificial sweetener free

3. nutrient dense calories make for a complete meal replacement, meaning I actually feel full after having a shake

4. 100% grass-fed New Zealand whey protein
Why choose whey from New Zealand, hormone free cows? 

5. 24 grams of undenatured protein 
Whey Protein Concentrate: A Brief Summary

Because we are on a tight grocery budget, I made sure to do my research before investing in protein consistently.  In my studying I have discovered that most proteins are full of empty calories, estrogens in soy, or artificial sweeteners.  And because I found a protein that is so complete, I have given myself permission to spend money on it each month.  The money we spend on this protein replaces other unhealthy, fatty, empty calories we used to consume.  Investing in my body and health in this way has been worth every penny.

Myth: All Protein is the same 

How much does Isagenix protein cost?
While there are a few different kinds of protein available through Isagenix, the standard IsaLean shake I consume daily is just under $3/meal.  A canister of 14 shakes is $40.  I buy two of these a month, which is $80/month for 28 meals.  In all of my budgeting and meal planning, I have not found a deal as good as this.

Check out the fruit from the investments we have made in our health this year.

add something good

I am a major snacker.  I could snack all day long.  I actually snack more mentally than anything as I think about it throughout the day.  And while this snacking is not necessarily a danger to my physical health, it is often meeting an emotional need.  I tend to snack when I am feeling bored, overwhelmed, nervous, unproductive, or lonely.

Because of that I would like to nip this bad habit.  Not to lose weight nor eat less nor cut calories, but to stop using food to medicate uncomfortable emotions.

As I seek to snack less, I want to try a new approach because being so restrictive and cutting out all snacks feels too rigid.  I have been rigid and restrictive in the past and it has only reinforced a dysfunctional food relationship.   Again, food is to nourish not to indulge nor restrict for emotional outlets.

So this time, rather than focusing on subtracting the bad, I shift to focus on adding something good to my lifestyle as I pursue holistic health.   My hope is that this will naturally sift out some of the unnecessary excess.

Adding a daily, healthy, complete meal replacement protein shake is one seed I can sow into the overhaul of my eating habits while simultaneously reframing my relationship with food.

My daily shake consists of:
2 scoops of IsaLean Shake Protein Powder 
    *24 grams undenatured protein
    *8 grams dietary fiber
    *23 vitamins and minerals

1 scoop Isagenix Greens!
    *naturally spray dried and cold pressed greens 
    *antioxidant-rich ingredients like ginkgo biloba leaf, green tea extract, & grape seed extract

8 ounces of water and lots of ice

Again, the whole point of this pursuit is to bear much fruit.  I am hopeful that this month's challenge will bring me one step closer to living a healthy, God-honoring, balanced life. 

July: Intentional Eating

One of my consistent and daily prayers for my sweet Eden is that she will have a healthy relationship with food, and as I have thought about what that means I continue to come back to the foundational concept that the primary purpose of food is to nourish our bodies.

End of sentence.

Not to create an emotional experience.  Not for pleasure nor creativity nor comfort nor fellowship, although cooking and enjoying an incredible meal can certainly create those wonderful and good experiences.  But in the end, food is primarily for nourishment.  It was literally life-changing when I took on the challenge of buying all of our groceries at Trader Joe's.  This cut out so many of the chemical-filled, unnecessary, unhealthy, emotional-eating snacks my family and I had come to crave.

So this month I am going to continue to engage in intentional, purposeful, mindful eating in a format that will build on some of the habits I have already established.  This could also be called a maintenance month as much of this will be review.  Sometimes maintenance can be a bit boring because it is literally putting one foot in front of the other again and again and again and again... and again and again and again and again.  As mundane as this may seem, the ability to consistently maintain a habit long-term is literally the line that divides the people that like to try new things from those who actually bear fruit.

Habit: While I began this intellectual experience in May with Make Eating Sacred, much of what I am going to do this month will be a continuation of this idea as I seek to be present as I eat, slow down, and listen to my body for signals of fullness.  I will be especially in tune to how my body feels AFTER eating a certain item as I seek nourishment rather than the pleasure that often is only present during the initial eating experience.  I will also be more intentional in my menu planning, looking for foods that will nourish my family.

Challenge: I will continue eating 5-6 small meals a day, as I began in March in hopes of Increasing my Energy.  Specifically, one of my five small meals each day will consist of a protein shake.  This will not only provide my body with an incredibly nutritious and consistent meal, but also help eliminate some of the mindless and emotional snacking along the way.

This will also give me an opportunity to share about these shakes that I have come to crave as they offer so much more than just a nutritious and satisfying meal.  

living water

I have thoroughly enjoyed my month of feeling quenched.  Taking my water drinking to the next level has made a significant impact on my body and health.  I hope to continue drinking my suggested number of ounces daily as a new part of my lifestyle.

Why not, right?

But beyond literal water and physical thirst, I have enjoyed the spiritual parallels much more as water is a biblical concept as it both cleanses and quenches our spirit man.

1. Water cleanses.

While searching for scripture connected with the concept of water, I ran across this well articulated thought: Water not only sustains our bodies, but also is an integral part of our spiritual lives.  The Bible is rich with images of water that symbolize new life, cleansing, and the fulfillment of God's promises.  

Just like water cleanses my cells and allows my body to operate in health, I need this same cleansing experience within my spirit.

2. Water quenches.

The fourth chapter of John shares a story which contains a life changing truth.  "Jesus said to her, 'Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink of the [living] water that I give them will never be thirsty.  The [living] water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life.' "  -John 4:13-14

In the same way that our bodies are sustained by physical water, our spirits cannot thrive without Christ.  It has been during the painful seasons in my own life of perpetual darkness and unexpected loss that I look back and testify to this quenching of my soul as I have been satisfied in the deepest and most intimate places by this living water.

Because although physical thirst is worth avoiding as it leads to physical death in the most extreme situation, spiritual thirst risks far more eternal results.  Only the living water Jesus offers can cleanse my being and quench my deepest thirst, satisfying my soul both now and for all of eternity.

When I grab for my Nalgene, may it remind me to also reach out for the Living One whose water is always available.

photo credit 

drink all day

It has been harder than I would have thought to drink my suggested number of ounces of water each day.  Of course the first few days I was super motivated and drinking water all the time, but then the more life picked up, the more water I had in my bottle around 7:00 at night.  When I should have been winding down I have been having to gulp it down, keeping me up running to the bathroom all night.

Often when I attempt to create a new healthy habit, I simply forget.  In this situation the issue is not that I do not like water nor that I do not want to drink enough to stay hydrated, but I just forget.  And then I remembered that I am making a choice to successfully implement this new habit into my daily life and therefore I must address this issue of forgetfulness.

So to solve my water drinking woes, I have made a list of practical ideas as to how to increase water consumption:
1. Drink a glass of water first thing in the morning, with each meal, and before bed
2. Put post-its on the refrigerator and bathroom mirror with the reminder to DRINK!
3. Make it taste good: use a filter, try bottled water, ice herbal tea, add lemon or lime or berries
4. Invest in a water bottle and bring it with me everywhere I go
5. Set a phone alarm each hour as a reminder to drink water
6. Get friends and family drinking water- just seeing others grab for their water bottle reminds me to do the same
7. Study and learn.  The more information I learn about the positive benefits of hydration, the more motivated I become.  This poster shows that drinking water at the correct time maximizes its effectiveness on the human body.  After learning this new information, I am more likely to remember to take a few gulps around these specific times of day.

New information continues to fuel my desire to live a healthy lifestyle.  

This reality that I create my lifestyle by my habits continues to motivate me as I seek to maintain the other healthy ways of living I have sought to create this year. 

just one thing

I have been a wonderful mix of overwhelmed and excited to learn SO many things about health already this year.  I am approaching the half way point in this 12 month pursuit and look back to see how many life changing lessons I have learned as I have sought to implement 6 healthy habits into my life thus far.

Ask God for help.
Value my body.
Increase energy.
Exercise.
Make Eating Sacred.

And now, drinking water.

All for the fruit to bless this little cutie pie.

As wonderful as it has been to learn, it has also been overwhelming as these have been six months full of new information, intentional pursuits, and patience as I continue in pursuing fruit through healthy habits.

And while I believe each of these 12 habits I will implement this year are important, if you are seeking health with me and could only commit to making one practical* lifestyle change, DRINK WATER.  If the ONLY lifestyle change you make is to replace other liquids with water, drinking enough daily to fully hydrate and satisfy your body, this will drastically improve your health.  Even just this one thing can produce incredible fruit in your life.  

*Asking God for help is the foundation of this entire pursuit as we can do nothing apart from Him and that has proven to be insurmountably most effective and life changing.  

Think about how a shower cleanses our skin, washing away impurities and dirt.  Regardless of how dirty you get throughout the day, a nice shower in the evening will clear away all of the grime.   In the same way, drinking enough water to keep your cells cleansed will enable your body to function at maximum energy and strength, JUST through hydration.

Check out all of these other physical benefits that come with drinking water.  I found this image on the blog of a mom who took on the challenge of switching from Diet Coke to water, and now 2 years later is still enjoying the fruit of this lifestyle change!

Not only is the fruit worth the lifestyle change of switching over to water, but why not?  It is free, readily available, easy to maintain, and a great place to begin.  It produces notable changes in short periods of time.  This fruit is holistic.

Maybe you can't afford to buy healthy foods or are unmotivated to exercise or have no desire to make major changes your lifestyle; this one change of drinking water is worth making and even in isolation can drastically improve your health.

Just try it and watch for your body's response.

why not?

Throughout this past week of consistently drinking half of my body weight in ounces of water, I have already noticed benefits!

-I have more mental clarity and physical energy.
-My skin feels more moisterized.  Even though my husband laughs at me about this one, I promise it is true!  This was actually the first thing I noticied the morning after starting this new habit.
-I feel more full and therefore satisfied throughout the day.
-I experience better sleep at night.

This drinking water thing has given the quickest and most noticeable results of any other healthy habit I have created this year.  

Even though I love water, I know a few people who do not.  When those people ask me why to drink water, my response is why not?

1. We NEED water. It is interesting that we could physically go days or even weeks without food but in 7 days our body would literally shut down without water.  God created our bodies with a need for this life giving liquid.

2. Water is healthy.  Our body is 2/3 water.  Just like a shower cleanses away the dirt on our skin, drinking water cleanses our cells inside our body.  Water bathes our cells in life supporting fluids, and these cells are able to function at their peak when given enough water.  Water helps energy transfer throughout the body.

3. Water is free.  Most other drinks contain calories and cost money, while water is free of both.  How much money would you save if you only drank water for a month?  What other foods could you enjoy if you saved some space in your daily calorie intake for life giving foods rather than liquids?

While I do enjoy the occasional glass of milk and my daily bowl of cereal, most of my liquid consumption comes from water.  And I actually crave water.  Our bodies crave what we consistently feed them.  I am convinced water is an acquired taste, similar like coffee.  Any coffee drinker who has pushed past the initial taste aversion now craves a morning cup, and I am confident that it is the same with water.

Why not take on the challenge of drinking half of your body weight in water for just this one month and noting the effects in your body? 

In just one week, drinking more water has given me more energy to play with my precious little cutie.  I am excited to experience more fruit from this habit!

June: Drink Water

As unhealthy as my past choices about health have been and as many mistakes in the world of health as I've made, I have consistently maintained the habit of drinking water for the last ten years.  This was modeled for me my entire adolescence and has become a part of my lifestyle.

I.  LOVE.  WATER.

My body has acquired a taste for water in which it is literally the only beverage I crave and the only drink that can truly quench my thirst.

Habit: Even though I drink water on daily basis, ever since the start of this year of health I have been looking forward to learning more about the holistic benefits of this healthy habit and increasing my daily water consumption, anticipating great results.

Challenge: The suggested amount of water to drink can be calculated by this formula-
body weight / 2 = ___ ounces
EXAMPLE: 130 lbs / 2 = 65 ounces of water

While I am used to drinking water daily, I am sure I do not drink enough and will take on this challenge of drinking half of my body weight in ounces of water daily.

So this is a habit I actually have some basic experience in maintaining and this is my shortest post yet.  This is going to be fun!

satisfied

My initial intention of this pursuit of health was not to rewrite a new rigid set of food rules, but by way of my personality this year long adventure has the potential to turn in that direction.  So I am rerouting back on track by asking God for help as I seek holistic, long term, lifestyle health for my entire family.

As I seek to make eating the sacred experience I believe God intended it to be, I want to feel satisfied by the foods I choose to eat.

And while I am a long way from eating everything from the farm verses factory, step by step I am discovering how this pursuit of health will fit into my life.  As I learn, I begin by just changing one thing at a time rather than trying to revamp my entire lifestyle in one month.  And with each intentional change I am listening to my body for a response.

Eden has recently starting eating solid foods and it is fun to watch her discover new flavors and textures.  I am amazed at her ability to eat and then turn her head when she is done because I can see that at six months of age she knows her limits and can basically dictate her own eating.  This beautiful world of simplicity in which she lives without the ability to critically think creates a healthy relationship with food which we hope to maintain in her life as she grows.

It really can be this simple.

Eat until full.

Eat until my body is satisfied.

The first 4 months of my recovery from my distorted relationship with food focused on regaining hunger signals.  Because my mind and emotions became engaged in the eating experience in an unhealthy way, I had stopped trusting my body to tell me when full and I had to relearn this feeling.  I had to relearn how to trust my physical body because I used food as emotional nourishment rather than physical.  

Rather than eating when lonely, stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, afraid, or sad, I am learning to eat for the sacred and holy purpose of nourishing my body, finding other healthy outlets as to how to deal with these uncomfortable emotions.

I observe and model the behavior of Eden as I listen to and trust the signals God has miraculous created to communicate cravings, hunger, and fullness.  Just like my precious baby girl, I want to learn how to eat until satisfied.

fat fear

Yes, this is my belly.  39 week pregnant belly, that is.

As I was snuggling with my sweet Eden the other day, running my fingers over her smooth baby skin and feeling those adorable chunky leg rolls, I wondered, when does it start?

What is the age when society uninvitedly redefines my daughter's precious  baby chub as fat?
When does adorable change to ugly?
When will Eden have awareness of what her body looks like?
And how can I protect her from this image obsessed society, teaching her about actual health rather than the common misperception of it?

While these will be ongoing questions to consider in the years ahead, I cannot help but wonder as this was an ongoing struggle of my own adolescent experience.

I was terrified of fat.

Eating fat and seeing fat on my body.

The eating disorder that stole a decade of my life has a name- not anorexia or bulimia but something else; basically a fear of fat.  Even during my unhealthiest moments I still ate something most days, just never fat.

For me to answer some of these questions as to how I will model a healthy relationship with food in our home, I have had to face my fear of fat.

One way I have found major victory in my battle with food and other areas of life is to identify a misperception, what I call a lie, and replace it with the truth. 

LIE: Fat is always bad.
TRUTH: Fat can be good.

The more I learn about holistic health and the more passionate I become about counting chemicals and not calories, the more I realize that for years I replaced healthy fats with destructive chemicals.  While the low-fat fad has marked our health and wellness societal beliefs as well as my own personal perspective for years, I will continue to change my habits towards the reality fat can be good.  

5 benefits of fat:
forms an important component on cell membranes and wall
provides protection for internal organs
helps the body use fat soluble vitamins: A, D, E, and K
provides insulation under skin and warms body
sustains hunger and provides energy

5 examples of healthy fats:
avocado (Eden's favorite and first solid food)
chia seeds or flax seed
coconut or sunflower oil
raw almonds, pecans, and cashews
natural peanut or almond butter 

counting chemicals, not calories

I counted calories for over a decade.  As far from that kind of thinking as I have come, it has been hard to just forget how many calories an item of food has.

Not because I really care anymore, but just because I remember. 

I was terrified of butter, chips, and cookies.  As part of my recovery I had to eat ice cream every day and cried every single time for the first month, knowing how many calories were in every single bite.  My thinking was warped and for some reason all of my anxiety was centered around calories.  

I am now moving out of counting calories and into counting chemicals.  I don't like how that sounds because do not want to get into that kind of black and white thinking anymore in which I experience anxiety while eating any kind of food, but I do want to be more aware of specifically what I am putting into my body.

Even just starting to look and learn about all of the chemicals that are added to our foods has been extremely enlightening.  I am learning there are over 3,000 additives worth avoiding, and sticking to foods as close to the farm as possible is the best way to make healthy eating choices.

Because I love lists and I need a manageable number of new vocabulary words to start with, I wanted to know the top 5 specifics that are REALLY worth avoiding.  I guess I am not even sure all of these are considered the worst, but I have read multiple sources suggesting these particular words are worth checking for before making a purchase.

This is a summary of what I found:

1. Artificial Sweeteners (like aspertame)- neruotixin and carcinogen
Often found in: diet or sugar free, coke zero, jello, desserts, sugar free gum, drink mixes, cereal, breath mints, pudding, iced tea, etc.
Can cause: dizziness, headaches, mental confusion, migraines, seizures

2. MSG- amino acid flavor enhancer
Often found in: soups, salad dressings, chips, frozen entrees, cookies, Campbell soups, lunch meats
Can cause: depression, disorientation, fatigue, headaches, obesity

3. High Fructose Corn Syrup
Often found in: most processed foods, bread, candy, flavored yogurts, salad dressing, canned vegetables, cereals
Can cause: weight gain, high cholesterol

4. Food Coloring
Often found in: candy, cereal, soft drinks, mac and cheese, American cheese, ice cream
Can cause: behavior problems in children

5. BHA/BHT
Often found in: cereal, chewing gum, potato chips, vegetable oil
Can cause: effects nervous system, alter behavior, potential to cause cancer

I am really overwhelmed.

That is more than enough new information for now as I seek to make eating the sacred experience God intended it to be.  Change can be so overwhelming that I have learned to step into something new little by little.  So I am going to start pacing my shift in lifestyle by cutting out these particular additives as much as possible and staying in tune to my body's response.

The key to healthy change is gradual, simple, manageable lifestyle changes.  One change at a time.  Day by day.  

I will continue to refine my lifestyle habits as I pursue health this year.  

free to eat

Because food is such an important topic for me, I want to revisit a foundational habit at the beginning of this pursuit and invite God into this experience as healthy change always starts in asking God for help.

I recall my daily confession.  I can't do it without you.  So I ask Him for help, listen intently, and dive into His Word.  The first time food is mentioned in the Bible it says, "You are free to eat..."

Stop right there. 

You mean eating isn't bad?  

This is a revolutionary thought for me.  Of course I understand that foundationally eating is important and necessary to stay alive, but could it be good?  Could it be that God is delighted when we ENJOY the experience of eating the foods He created?  Why else would strawberries have such sweetness and pineapple such delicious flavors?   Couldn't we have just had manna each day like the Israelites? 

Just some food for thought.  Literally. 

So I read it again.  "You are free to eat..." and this time the word free hit me.  I spent over a decade of my life trying to figure out what this means.

Does this mean I can eat whatever I want?  
What do I want to eat?  
What should I want to eat?  
What does it look like to have a relationship with food that is based on the foundation of freedom? 

Ten years later, I am starting to shift my perspective on freedom from:
I am free to do whatever I feel like
to
I am free to make a choice, regardless of my feelings. 

The difference is being led by choice rather than feelings.  In my life, freedom means I am in control and I make choices that bring about the fruit I desire. 

Therefore, I am starting to think that this freedom with food does not mean that every time I see a cookie I can eat it, but rather that I have the power to say yes and no to foods based on the needs and desires of my body. 

Our bodies are incredible as they have been perfectly and wonderfully made.  And way down deep, deeper than emotions and thoughts, our bodies deeply crave foods that will allow them to function in the healthiest and most efficient way.  Living foods.  Foods God made, not man.  And I can enjoy those wonderful foods and flavors!

I will tune into the needs of my body more than I ever have before.

Our bodies speak to us, are we listening?

Eden is enjoying her first delicious tastes of solid foods. 

May: Make Eating Sacred

At the beginning of this 2014 year, I basically hit RESET on my holistic relationship with food, health, and body image.  I started over with hopes of leaving the dysfunction of my past behind and wiping the slate clean as I enter this new season of raising a sweet baby girl in a world where she will be recieving incessant messages about what to eat and how to look.

My intention is to reprogram my mind to make healthy choices as I care for my body and redefine "health" for myself and my family. 

And this month I am excited to write about one of the hottest topics within this world of health: FOOD. 

I remember paralleling my recovery from an eating disorder with that of an alcoholic in the context that, while someone who has misused alcohol was training themselves to walk away once and for all from the substance that brought much pain into their lives, my situation was different. Not easier or harder or better or worse, just very different.

My issue was food.  And I could never "walk away" from food. 

I have to eat every single day for the rest of my life.

Removing myself from environments and situations in which I would be exposed to food sounded temping, not to lose weight, but to wipe my hands clean of this struggle and move on with my life.  It was almost like I needed to take a break from food to reset my mind.  However, as my physical body could not have sustained such a break, I have had to relearn how to interact with food.

And I am still learning.

While this has been a struggle, it is also one particaular topic I am excited to reprogram.  In the past 4 months I have already learned a great deal about healthy habits with food while studying other aspects of health, and I have a lot of thoughts to write about throughout the month.  But before I jump right in, I will set the basic foundation for my goal as I pursue the incredible fruit of having a healthy understanding of the food I put into my mouth each meal.

Goal: This month I want to make eating food the sacred experience God designed it to be.  The fact that my body was created in a way to eat, process, digest, and use the nutrients in food is actually an incredibly miraculous reality; one that I have missed as I have misused this gift time and time again. 

Challenge: While this is somewhat of an ambigious goal, I will attempt to break it down into day to day life in these ways:

1. Stop multi-tasking during meals.  Between teaching and life with a new baby, it is rare that I eat without doing 5 other things at the same time.  In order to enjoy the experience of eating and be present in the mirculous nourishment of my body, I will take on the challenge of slowing down my life enough to sit down to eat and do NOTHING ELSE.  I predict this will drastically change what I put into my mouth and how much - as focusing on the meal at hand will train my mind to listen to my body for the effects of specific ingredients along with signs of hunger and fullness.

2. Eat living food.  Because I will be taking time to eat and slowing down to enjoy food, I also hope to make eating the sacred experience that God designed it to be by choosing foods that God made for my body, rather than man-made with added chemicals.  I assume these specific challenges will go hand in hand.  If I am really listening to my body, it is craving living foods which will bring life to my being!

finding the right speed

I have discovered WHY I want to exercise.

I have brainstormed WHAT to do for exercise.

Answering those foundation questions of why and what are extremely important to making exercise a healthy lifestyle habit, now HOW do I actually get out there and just do it? 

Here are a few things I am going to do.

I word it this way because I have recently been convicted of sounding like some know-it-all in my writing style, when in fact I know very little about health which is why I have dedicated this 2014 year to learn.  I am sorry if it has sounded that way.  If anything, I know a lot of things not to do.  Now that I have started learning, I find myself more aware than ever before of how truly little I know.

1. accept where I am and make a commitment to start there

It would be awesome if I could start my workout plan being in great shape, but that is never how it works.  And yes I did work out at the gym for a few months, but I would say that was to help postpartum body recovery and now I am finally starting at ground 0.  So I am out of shape, and that is ok.  I will start there.

2. make a SMART goal

SMART stands for Specific-Measureable-Attainable-Realistic-Timely.  Each element is important in having a goal that will produce fruit.  While my desire to walk 3 times a week is a good one, I need a little something more to motivate me in this new habit.   If the weather has been bad or the evening has gotten away from me, it has been easy to skip a walk because there has been really nothing to lose.   While my goal was specific and measurable, it was not attainable because it is ambiguous.  Walk for 30 minute 3x a week for how long?  Until when?  Forever?

3. create or find a plan

There is no need to reinvent the wheel here.  Through Google, Pinterest, Facebook, and dozens of other websites, I am sure I have never even heard of, there are oodles of pre-made exercise plans that are manageable and easy to follow. And now with smart phones it can even be easier because just in my basic search I found multiple apps that will guide you through any form of an exercise program step by step.

I like plans because that is how I am wired, and a plan does not allow for the excuse, "I don't know what to do."  Plans also provide an end mark which is important when just starting to create a new habit.  I am much less likely to give up if I know when this plan will end, and hopefully by the time I have reached the end of that specific plan I enjoy the fruit of exercise so much that I will find another way to continue.

4. protect myself with accountability

There will be times when I am tempted to throw in the towel, and for those moments, it is essntial to have accountabilty in place.   During my months at the gym, having paid for a membership was awesome accountability and motivation.  For this walking/jogging goal, my husband will be my main source of accountability, but I will also ask a few friends to check in on my progress and join me in my plan.

5. day by day

Once all of these are in place, the only way to create a new habit and make something happen is to put one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a time.

In light of these steps, I made a plan to walk, jog, and/or run a 5k at the end of the school year.  To avoid registration costs and the masses, I found a neat app, picked a date and local route, texted some friends and family inviting others to join me, and am going to do it.

A few reminders for myself.  These are the kinds of things I post on the bathroom mirror.

Be gracious with myself.  My dear mentor taught me to say "most of the time."  I follow my work out plan "most of the time."  This is important because it allows me to be human, to be tired, to have had a long day, to have unexpected situations come up, to skip a work-out, and to still get up and continue the next day without feeling like I have ruined the entire plan.  Because I am somewhat intense, I am naturally an "all or nothing" kind of girl."  I am learning to give myself grace.

Set a good pace.  The R in SMART goals stands for realistic, and I remind myself that I have to start with something that is possible and maybe even a little too easy at the beginning.  This plan I found is called "couch potato to 5k."  Am I a couch potato?  No.  But I wanted to start at a point in which I would be successful so that I would not give up on day 2 of my new plan because it was just too much.  In hopes of setting a good pace for myself, I chose a plan in which I could be successful in order to help me create this habit.

Pacing just might by the key to implementing exercise into my life in a way that can actually work and actually produce the kind of fruit I am looking for.  Pacing is a skill of health and something I am learning about not just in exercise, but also in life.  

I am looking for the right speed of life.  

While working full-time, editing a book, posting on this blog, exercising consistently, keeping up with housework, and attempting to enjoy the few and precious moments I have with Eden and my husband, finding the right speed has been a challenge and is something I am very much at the beginning of learning about.  It is awesome to have all of these healthy habits, but not if there is no time to enjoy the fruit.

In my pursuit of health, I am searching for the unforced rhythms of a balanced life as I prioritize, make choices about what is worth my time and energy, and enjoy my family during every free moment I can find!