healthy family

After my upside down thought that it is not selfish to take time for yourself, I realized that is ONLY true if you are also mindful of the needs of others in your life.  I realized that I was unintentionally expecting my husband to be with Eden during much of our family time so I could go work out or take a nap or blog without asking him what he needed.

The Bible is the source of truth and the guide map for my life, and Philippians 2:3-4 instructs that we "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others."

While I am not willing to comprise what I need nor back down on my recent pursuit of caring for my self, I am also aware that I need to consider what my husband needs as well.  So after this revelation we had a family meeting.

(Yes, Eden was there but she didn't contribute too much.  Someday.) 

This meeting consisted of my husband and I both sharing different priorities to our health now that we are more aware of what life is like with a little one.  I have learned that nothing happens if we are not intentional.  Time just keeps ticking away and because my goal for this entire year is to bear healthy fruit I realized we need to do some intentional planning.  To not plan would be like wanting to grow a garden but never sitting down to plan nor shop for the seed.  

Here are the minutes from our meeting! 

In order to be healthy during this season, my husband needs: 

1. 15 minutes in the morning to read and set his mind

2. 15 minutes after work to exercise MWF

3. Occasional weekends or days away to rejuvenate in the north woods (we set some dates) 

4. A couple of hours on Monday nights for homework

As I learn to value my body, I need: 

1. 20 minutes in the evening to unwind- alone

2. Exercise 3 times a week 

3. Quality time with Chris 

4. Time to write so I can post once a week

We are making arrangments to accomodate to each other's needs so we can be a healthy family.  

We also came up with 3 new family systems which can maintain our family health during this chaotic transition into this season of life as working parents.

1. Happy Hour. EVERY DAY from 5:00-6:00 will be happy hour at our home. NO, not with cocktails, but a time in which no one is working so we can all enjoy each other.  No laundry, cleaning, dishes, phones, or work.  Just happy play time.

2. Date Nights.  Ok so we have not worked out the details of this yet as now date nights require child care, but we are DETERMINED to at least once a month get out for a night together.  More details to come on this one, but I will be the first to admit that I have let my precious little peanut consume me.  I know this isn't healthy, but I'll take some newborn grace as I have made the initial adjustments to motherhood.  However, my baby is not a newborn anymore and it is time for me to look up and step back into my position as a wife which includes spending time with my amazing husband.  Marriage is an incredible gift and ministry and more than ever I realize how continual growth as a couple is essential for our holistic health.

3. Wednesday Night Worship. In order to keep Christ as the center of our family in the midst of adjusting to adding a new member, we decided that we need to have a time once a week in which we can connect spiritually as a family. My husband and I find such connection to Jesus through worship, and we want to set the family habit of worshipping and learning about Jesus together. So each Wednesday night we are going to worship and study- whether it is a book we read or podcast we listen to or particular topic we study in the Bible.

We desire health, not just for ourselves, but for the fruit and glory it brings to our heavenly Father.
John 15:8 has become somewhat of a family mantra in our home: When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples.  This brings great glory to my Father.

upside down

I want to change my challenge for this month to better align with my goal.  While I had intially committed to speaking affirmations about myself, I quickly realized that this just didn't quite fit with the root of my need to develop the healthy habit of valuing my body.

You know how you can tell when you are growing because there is tension and pressure and even pain?  It can be likened to lifting weights at the gym- if I am not lifting the right amount of weight it could be really easy and would, quite frankly, be a waste of time.  I felt this way about my habit of speaking positively.  It is a good habit to create, but not a major challenge for me personally.  There was no tension.  I have come to crave the tension and even strain of learning something new. 

My issue is not that I do not like my body nor value it theoretically anymore; I had lived that way for years and worked through that issue.  Lately my biggest struggle in health is the practical application of spending money and TIME.  I have already addressed the financial issue and given myself permission to spend money on my health, and most recently in my latest post discussed my desire to also give myself permission to spend time, and I have been thinking about that all week long and have more to add. 

I have been living under this false illusion that taking time for me is selfish.  However, the more I learn, the more I realize that it is not selfish to take time for my health.  If I want fruit, I have to commit to the process of caring for myself.  To not make self-care a priority would be as silly as wanting to have a garden and then never taking time to plant, water, or weed.

I am not the only one who benefits from my health.  The healthier I am, the kinder I am.  The more productive I am.  The more pleasant I am to be around.  The more energy I have.  Ultimately, the healthier I am the more I can give.  When I take time for myself I am a better mom teacher and wife.  It seems upside down, but it also makes perfect sense.

So I made a list of a few ways I can care for myself:

Massage
Chiropractor 

Bubble bath

10 minutes silence

10 minutes worship

Pedicure

Facial

Coffee shop time 

Nap

Date night

Exercise

Blog
Read
Pray

Isaiah 43:4 says, "Others were given in exchange for you.  I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me.  You are honored, and I love you."  I discipline myself to the obedient call to care for this precious body that my Heavenly Father created in His image and values infinitely.  My NEW goal is to treat myself to one indulgence each day for the rest of this month as a means of practicing the habit of taking time and money to value my precious body, knowing this discipline will produce incredible fruit.  

permission to spend more

Revisiting our 2 general approaches to health, I took time this week to more specifically reflect on my  motives for getting healthy.

On a scale from 1 - 10, 1 being I despise my body and am desperate to change and 10 being I value my body and enjoy taking care of it, where would I fall?

The more I thought about this I would rate myself at an 8, which coming from a 1 twelve years ago is miraculous.  It is valuable to take time to access metacognition and partake in the exersice of thinking about our thinking.  How do you think about your body?

For some with a low rating, this month is a time to intentionally create a habit of appreciating and valuing your body for the gift it is, but for others like me the enemy of our health may not be a poor body image.  So that leads me to question why am I not in optimal health?  If I value my body and want to care for it, why don't I?

While it was over a decade ago that I was abusing my physical body intentionally, it was only a year and even months ago that I would mistreat my body by neglect.  When I started teaching five years ago I lost over fifteen pounds this way; I was not dieting nor trying to lose weight at all, I was simply "too busy" to care for myself and allowed other priorities to slip in front of making healthy choices.  I stopped making time to eat, and when it did it was junk that was quick and easy.  I also stopped making exercise a priority.  I slept less and felt horrible.

Some of these bad habit have snuck themselves back into my life during this past week as it was my first full week back at work.  I am starting to recognize the culprit of my unhealthy lifestyle over the past 5 years could be identified as an issue of neglect.  It is not that I do not value my body nor want to care for it, but that I stopped making time for health and let important healthy habits slip out of my daily schedule.

Yesterday my school held parent- teacher conferences which meant I left home at 6:30 am and arrived back again at 8:30 pm.  It was not until my car ride home that I reflected and realized how little and how poorly I ate during the day as the demands of meeting the needs of 25 students (and their families) stole every waking moment and took precedent over taking care of my body.  From not taking time to eat healthy foods to not taking time to use the bathroom to not having one moment to sit and take a deep breath, the minutes and hours snuck by so quickly which left few moments for self-care.

I am so intentional to use my time at work well that I often prioritize work over health which leads me to neglect and mistreat my body.  It is even more of a challenge now as I am adjusting to life as a working mom which means arriving at the last possible moment, leaving immediately after school, and carving out time to pump in-between which means every second is even more precious than it was before.

Time is a major enemy of health and more of a struggle for me than having a negative self-image.

But I call to mind the reality that I am in control of my life through the gift of CHOICE.  I choose how I spend my time whether it is intentional or not.  The reality is that we all make time for things that are really important to us.  We do it naturally, without even thinking, and that is what habits are.  Habits are those natural reactions to life and those things we do without needing to think about doing them.  This year is a time for me to reset some of my natural reactions.

About a month ago I wrote about how I was going to give myself permission to spend money on my health this year and today I recognize the need to also give myself permission to spend time on this pursuit.

I am challenging myself to prioritize caring for my body once again, especially while at work.  I am forcing myself to take moments to STOP working throughout the day to eat life giving foods, take a moment of peace to clear my mind, and ask God for help.  I am determined to create the healthy habit of valuing my body and as a result caring for it, rooted in my desire to be obedient by viewing my body as a gift and vessel for the Holy Spirit.

contentment

After two long days back at work I have many thoughts in regards to valuing my body but no clarity nor time to create clarity in my recently cluttered life. So here I am holding my 14 week old daughter as she sleeps on my chest and enjoying every precious second I have with her, just staring at her beauty and trying to wrap my mind around the miraculous reality that my husband and I were able to partake in the creation of her life.

I am speechless.  

My speechlessness can best be articulated through an incredible quote I just found which perfectly clarifies and summarizes my recent musings. 

This is a prayer of contentment: I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God's thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking. 

-C.S. Lewis

This is true of Eden.  Of me.  And of you.

This motivates me to care for this incredible body that God Himself, the Creator of universe, thought about and then created in His image. 

Create a habit of seeing yourself in this way, through the eyes of your Maker, as you seek health this year.

By the way, how is that list of things you value about your body going?  

February: Value Your Body

I have observed 2 general approaches to "health."
1. I want to pursue a healthy lifestyle because I do not like the way I look and want to change.
2. I want to pursue a healthy lifestyle because I value my body and want to take care of it.

To illustrate, I could create a healthy habit of exercising because I do not like the way I look or because I want to take care of my body.  The action will be the same, but the motivation is drastically different which will produce much different holistic results.  If I am choosing to eat carrots instead of chips only because I want my body to look different or to lose a certain number of pounds, I will be easily defeated when after two long weeks of carrots there are minimal physical results in appearance and weight.  Having already attempted the pursuit of "health" on the foundation of not liking myself, I can testify that it did not produce any lasting fruit in my life.  My desperate desire to look better only initiated a negative cycle of mistreatment which led to frustration and impatience which led to self-rejection which eventually led to depression.

Goal: This month I hope to start my health pursuit with the foundational attitude that I am thankful for my body, the understanding that I only get one, and the commitment to caring for it.  This will give me patience to endure the pains of discipline and motivation to make real lifestyle changes in the upcoming months.  I am not simply attempting temporary fad diets because I am not looking for specific results in my image or weight, but I am seeking to take care of my body.

I promise that we will get to the practical bodily implications of health such as sleep, drinking water, eating, and exercise in the months ahead, but it is so important that we first set the foundation of this pursuit on the life giving truth that our bodies are incredible gifts and vessels for the Holy Spirit.  After first asking for God's help last month, this is the next layer of a solid foundation as we seek health.

Habit: This month I will value my body by discipling myself to be thankful for it.  I will take time to meditate on the miraculous functions my body can perform and beautiful features I carry.

Challenge: I invite you to join me in saying two positive statements about your body every day of this month: one statement about a function your body can perform that you value and the other a physical feature that you appreciate.

Example: I am thankful for my functioning fingers that can type and the beautiful tones of my red hair.

If you really want to create this habit of appreciating your body then set up some accountability whether it is writing down your positive thoughts in a journal, sharing them with a roommate or spouse or friend, or posting them in the comments of my blog.  While I will commit to sharing with my husband each day, I plan to post my results at the end of the month as another means of accountability.

Romans 12:1-2  Dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you.  Let them be a living and holy sacrifice- the kind He will find acceptable.  This is truly the way to worship Him.  Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Disclaimer: I am going back to work in a few days and therefore will already set the expectation for myself and readers that I will be posting much less.  I will commit to posting every Saturday of this month, and while I would like to write more, it will only be if I find time throughout the week. 

yoga PRACTICE

The yoga instructor teaching the class I attended at the gym the other day made a great point.  She said, "This is yoga PRACTICE- not yoga perfect or yoga competition."

I am sure all yoga instructors say that and I am sure I have heard that before, but it hit me.

 I am having so much revelation from simple things that would be so easy to miss and I credit that to the power of my confession.  Waking up every day and ASKING God to help me learn about health and confessing His Word is opening my eyes and ears to things I would normally not hear or see.

Hebrews 4:12 says, "The Word of God is alive and powerful.  It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow.  It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires."

My confession sets my mind in the morning and I find myself searching for truth throughout my day as I pursue health.

While I recently wrote about how "trying" can keep us from our commitment, perfectionism is another major enemy of creating a new habit.

Perfectionism has kept me from trying new things as for years my thinking has been, "If I can't do it perfectly I won't bother doing it at all."  

Black or white.  All or nothing.

No stamina or ability to push through failure. 

Trying and perfectionism can work together against us- I would "try" something  and not be successful right away so then stop. 

Now eating and exercise are two areas I have done this, but it can be a lot bigger than the physical.  For example, I have tried forgiving someone and it goes really well until I see them and have to spend time with them and then get offended by them then frustrated with myself then overwhelmed about the whole forgiveness thing then I get upset all over again then I end it by saying, oh well I tried. 

Committing to creating a new habit does NOT mean achieving perfection in that area, in fact it is quite the opposite.  It means persisting in repeating this new way of living again and again and again, especially when old habits slip in and when mistakes are made.  It is having the awareness to catch yourself when reacting in an unhealthy way more quickly than you had the time before and make a change in the middle of a mistake. 

As a teacher I know that mistakes are one of the best educators.  This is true in the process of creating new habits so if you are expecting yourself to change over night and never revert to old ways you will be disappointed and discouraged.  

While the intense just do it message is essential, there is also a place for grace. In order to successfully create new habits, you have to be patient and gracious with yourself and the process, having the ability to bounce back without getting swept off course by the mistake roller coaster of emotions.  

Habits are reactions- they are things we do without mental energy to think about it.  And to create new reactions we have to train ourselves.  How do we train?  By practicing the same thing again and again and again.  

I have practiced asking God for help every day of this month, and I can honestly say that it is becoming more natural for me to speak out my confession in those moments when I need it most.

Keep practicing.  The fruit of healthy habits is so worth it!

Pregnancy weight

I have recently been asked by multiple people about my experience in gaining pregnancy weight considering my history with weight and body image that I shared in a post called From Darkness To Light.  While I touched on this topic in my post whole again, I like this specific question because it gives me the opportunity to really dig deep and think about how I dealt with these changes from the enlightening perspective of hindsight.

While it was not easy there were things I was able to do before getting pregnant and throughout my pregnancy which made the changes in my body less of a shock to the entire system.  So even though there were moments in which I struggled, I can honestly look back and say it was not very hard nor did I let it ruin even one day of my life giving experience of growing Eden inside my body.  And I gained over 50 pounds!

1. I set my mind.  Before getting pregnant I KNEW I was going to gain weight, I told myself I was going to gain weight, I made a decision that I was going to enjoy the process of gaining weight, and I expected my body to change.  Expectations are powerful, and because I set my mind when my body started to change I was excited because I knew I was right on track to having a healthy baby! I can even confirm in hindsight how powerful expectations are because I was expecting to gain around 30 pounds and the first 30 were great, but it was once I crossed that threshold at month six that I started to struggle for the first time, having to push out my expectations and readjust my expectations to gain more weight than I had initially thought.  

2. I chose to focus on the miracle of life-giving changes in my body rather than the losses.  Growing a baby brings new life and also loss as my body was changing and potentially would never be the same again.  I chose to focus on the LIFE that was coming through my body and the miracle that it was rather than the loss of my body as I knew it.  And every time I was tempted to focus on the losses, I just turned my head to focus on the gift it is to bear life!

3. The desired outcome of labor for every family I know is healthy mom, healthy baby and I wanted to be healthy.  Because I was underweight before getting pregnant due to stress and poor eating habits, I was determined to be a healthy mom so I could have a healthy baby.  I let that desire to guide my eating habits as I had to start eating twice as much if not more in order for baby and I to both get the nutrients we needed.  I already got into mama mode and would eat ANYTHING for the health of my baby, regardless of how I felt about it.

4. I quickly learned to not compare myself with anyone else.  I know friends who have gained 20 pounds during their pregnancies and a few who were in the 50s like me. :)  I know friends who had to get bigger pants at month 2 while some were teeny and cute and comfortable until month 7 or 8.  I know some who struggled to gain weight while others who could not stop gaining.  One thing I learned after Eden was born is not all pregnancy weight gain is fat. I mean obviously there is a baby and the placenta, but there is also FLUID.  After having Eden, I had only lost like 12 pounds which was really discouraging to me as I assumed most of the rest of the weight was fat.  However, I learned that much of my 50 pounds was fluid as I lost over 30 in my first two weeks postpartum.  All of this to say- DO NOT COMPARE.  Nothing good comes from comparing your body with anyone else's.  And as I first time mom I found this especially difficult because I wanted to compare my body to make sure I was on track to have a healthy baby.  But still, comparing did not give me any comfort.

5. I had incredible support.  I am so blessed to have such wonderful accountability in my life.  Most close friends and family know about my history and past struggles with weight, and many took it upon themselves to check in and make sure I was doing ok with the weight gain.  I am thankful that they know me well enough and feel comfortable to speak into my life about a potentially challenging topic.  Amongst those people, I asked a few specifically to check in with me throughout pregnancy and allowed myself to call and process with those few trustworthy souls who could handle my moments of struggle and fear as to what would come next for my body.

6. I prayed and trusted that God created my body to do this, that He was in control, and that this was going to restore my body to health.  And it has been amazing to see my body recover and confirming that God is in control and the body really does know what to do during and after carrying a baby!  It is an absolute miracle!

March 1, 2013

(the day we found out about Eden) 

October 28, 2013

(just days before Eden was born)

January 25, 2014
(about 12 weeks after Eden was born)

Even though my body will not necessarily ever be the same as it was before, I am certainly amazed at its ability to recover.  While I have been intention to exercise in the past 4 weeks, I have started very slowly.  And although I have been eating a very balanced diet in the last 12 weeks, I have no means been "on a diet" since Eden has been born.

This recovery has been and will continue to be natural.  God has made our bodies perfectly to bear life and also to recover.  I would never put these pictures up for anyone to compare their experience with mine as everyone's body is so different, but just to illustrate how miraculously God has created our bodies!  

While my body is certainly not perfect nor fully recovered, I will again reiterate my belief that babies do not ruin bodies but rather make them whole.  And I can honestly say that I am happy with how my body looks considering 12 weeks ago I had Eden!

I hope this helps answer the questions I have received about gaining and now losing some of the pregnancy weight.  It is quite a miraculous adventure and I am blessed to have been able to participate with Christ in the creation of the life of a beautiful little girl!