August: Take A Deep Breath

My goal this month was to enter a place of rest and to relax.  Literally, to hibernate and sleep as much as possible as I know that may be something we will be short of in the months ahead.  But even more than that, to enter a place of rest in my lifestyle.  To set my intense and focused and disciplined and activator personality aside and enter a place of rest and relaxation in how I spend my time and what I allow to take place in my thinking.  That was my goal at the beginning of the month, and as the month comes to a close I can say that I did ok.

The relevance of this goal was confirmed as we began to take child birth classes and on the first night of class, August 1st, the teacher introduced the idea of having a successful labor to one specific word: relaxation.  We have spent the entire month learning about the importance of relaxing accompanied by specific skills as to how to relax.  Breathing techniques, stretches, and relaxation activities were just a few of the strategies we have learned about and practiced this past month.  And the timing for such a challenge could not have come at a better time as this month has been filled with chaos as the beginning of a new school year came way to early this year.  School is ALWAYS intense for me as I want to get every book labeled and in its place, every lesson perfectly planned, and every pencil sharpened before the students arrive.  Not to mention school, we are now one month closer to baby time.

The financial crunch feels tighter and tighter as we approach the unknown medical bills that come with having a baby along with 3 months without pay during maternity leave.  My husband's new job comes with incredible benefits, which all three of us will be eligible for on November 1st.  Our guess date as to when our little peanut could enter the world is October 31, so we are surely cutting it close.  Basically we are in a situation where if she is born in October the cost will be around $2,700 which is my out of pocket maximum and if she is born in November it could potentially be a few hundred dollars or less as I will have a primary and a secondary insurance plan.  Here we are again, forced to trust that God is in control and that He will provide for us and meet every need.  And as I see the chaos lingering in front of me, I choose now to relax.  I choose now to lay it down.  I choose now to trust.  I intentionally position myself to enter a place of rest and relaxation even in chaos.  To quiet my mind and body and relax.  To stay in that place where I KNOW that God is enough and that He will meet all of our needs.

An incredible revelation I had this month which is linked into this idea of relaxation can best be described through a quote from Joyce Meyer:

It is easy to trust God when things are going well.  But when things are not going well we develop character by trusting God in our difficult situations.  And the more character we develop, the more our ability can be released  That is why I say that stability releases ability.  The more stable we become, the more our ability will be released because God will know that He can trust us.

Many people have gifts that can take them to places where their character cannot keep them. Gifts are given, but character is developed.  ...  By disciplining our emotions, our mouths, and our moods, we become stable enough to remain peaceful whatever our circumstances, so that we can walk in the fruit of the Spirit- whether we feel like it or not.  The more stable we become, the more our ability can be released through us.

I underlined the part that stood out to me.  I have been given gifts of being focused, disciplined, hard working, and driven.  I can easily tune out the world to work on a project or complete a task.  And while this part of who I am and how I function is a strength, it also reveals my greatest weakness when it pulls me away from relationships and blocks me from being able to engage in relaxation.  This gift of discipline can cause me to get easily distracted and this discipline can snowball out of control to a place in which my body is lacking rest and my mind is lacking peace.  For example, in my classroom I can get more concerned with typing out detailed lesson plans for what I am going to teach when there is a student right in front of me who needs my full attention.  At home I can get so caught up in cleaning our home that I rarely sit and enjoy it.

The lesson I learned this month and the key to my success in this pregnancy and in my future life as a parent, is to relax.  Is to lighten up.  To keep one eye on my tasks and one eye on others and also on my self and my body and what I need.  There have been days this month where I have not sat down until 8:00 pm.  (This is why I said the month of "relaxing" was ok.)  Were there really nonstop NEEDS that I was pursuing?  No, but I managed to find things to clean and put away and straighten up and went a little over the top at school and home trying to get everything in its place before my precious baby comes and steals all of my time and attention.  And while I have gifts, I need those gifts to be disciplined and developed so that I can be used by God.  So that my character can keep me in a place in which I can truly operate in my gifts. I identified that this inability to relax, to know when to rest, is one of my greatest weaknesses which is holding me back from all that God could do in and through me.  I was convicted as I called to mind the command God has given us to rest.  Exodus 2:8 says, "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God."  This is a discipline we plan to maintain as a family, especially when our daughter is born. 

My biggest fear as a parent is that I will be more focused on meeting my daughter's needs (feeding, laundering, changing clothes, cleaning bottles) that I will miss the precious moments with her.  I have this bad habit of living in the future, either one day or week or month ahead of the present in attempts to stay on top of things.  I am learning to discipline my mind to stay present and to live day by day.  I had a nightmare years ago that haunts me to this day: it projected my life years into the future when I have adult children and one day I woke up and realized that I had missed their lives.  I had been so focused on tasks, on checking off to do lists, on grocery shopping and finishing laundry and having a neat house and making meals and getting things done, that I had missed the moments.  I didn't know them as adults.  And this terrified me and made me realize that in order to parent, I need to change.  I want to change.  I want to learn how to relax.  How to sit and rest.  How to enjoy.  How to just be present in the moment.  And I am still learning.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  Philippians 4:6
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:34

My soul finds rest in God alone. Psalm 62:1-2

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you, not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let your heart not be troubled nor let it be fearful.  John 14:27

Habit #8: Relax