September: Approaching the Promised Land

I love that God speaks to us.  And I love that His Words are divine and so much more than mine could ever be.  And I love that God works within His own timing, not ours.  I have been so tired this month, particularly this week, and today is the one foreseeable day I would be able to sleep in, however I woke up at my usual work time on this Saturday morning and I was overwhelmed with revelation about the past month that I simply had to document.  Oh well.  :)  So here is what is bursting out of my spirit at 5:00 AM.  The revelation and command this month is to rest, which is ironic considering the early Saturday morning.  As much as I love sleep, I love being woken up by the Holy Spirit and I am so thankful for revelation, whenever it comes.  

This month it was revealed to me that entering this season of parenting, for us, is like entering a promised land.  We have been so anticipating the arrival of our children since the beginning of our marriage, and the reality that someday we could become parents is a promise we have clung to tightly.  I was at an incredible conference and was able to have four days to just sit and listen and receive.  In hindsight I can see that the timing of this conference was the perfect bridge from our past to our future as parents.  There were wonderful speakers and testimonies and it was through listening to another girl's story of what God has done in her life as well as reflecting on my own journey that I heard the invitation from God to enter into this promised land of parenting.  I kept hearing the word promised land, so I received it even though I did not quite know what that meant.  In my reflection of being at this conference for four whole days, the word started to open like a flower blooming in the spring as I was able to connect how we have been on a journey to a promised land just like the Israelites.  In thinking back and remembering the first day we found out about our daughter's life, the best way I can remember it was like finding a sign of hope that there is life after death.  I felt like my husband and I were wandering around in a desert, and suddenly we found a spring of water or saw a green plant sticking out of the ground.  Seeing the blue line on the pregnancy test was our first sign of this amazing new life God desires to give us.  As we continue to say, our daughter's life is our deepest delight as she is a constant reminder that He is gracious.  

And then as we continued on this incredible journey of pregnancy we continued to see more signs of life each month. Literally.  It was as if the further we walked through this desert, the less sand and heat and the more green trees and springs we saw.  Hearing our daughter's heartbeat for the first time was like seeing a huge tree in the middle of a dry and sandy place.  Watching my belly grow, seeing her tiny face at the ultrasound, feeling her move, and now being able to SEE it is like we are literally approaching a whole new territory FLOWING with goodness.  This month was full of that miraculous experience of literally seeing my belly bumping around.  We have an active little girl.  We can see all of the incredible things coming as we continue to walk towards parenting.  The signs of life are so indescribably wonderful, and I can't imagine that in about a month I will hear her first cry and meet her as we truly cross the threshold into this promised land. I think about hearing that sound every single day.  And at the sound of her first cry, I envision it like crossing a finish line of a long and at times painful race that our life has been in recent years.  

As I studied this idea of a promised land more (Numbers 13), I learned a few things about the Israelites in their journey through the wilderness into their promised land.  I learned that... 

1. They were afraid.  (Numbers 13:32-33)  The Israelites were afraid to enter this promised land because of the giants that were living there and they said they felt like grasshoppers in comparison.  As an outsider to their experience, I want to scream at them and say, "Do you really think God would abandon you now?  He has prepared this incredible place for you, called the PROMISED LAND, and you are afraid to go there?  After all He has brought you through?  You have no reason to be afraid."  Personalizing this text for our own promised land journey, while I do not feel particularly scared or terrified of parenting, there are certainly parts of this unknown season that bring some general concern and doubt as I have no idea what it will be like or what to do.  I have heard it is a learning on the job type of experience, and was able to identify some fears I have in parenting.  In this context of this promised land parallel, I am feeling called to release my fear. 

2. They were called to enter the place of rest. (Hebrews 4)  The bible says that they could not enter the promised land because they could not enter His rest.  I took this for myself as saying that if I do not learn how to find that place of rest that God offers to us, I will not be able to receive this wonderful new season of a promised land.  That walking this out is my choice, and it comes with obeying the command to enter His rest.  And the little I have been able to learn and study this month, the more I want to learn about this idea of rest.  I do not think this command for my husband and I is one to "sleep more" or "do less" because our promised land is potentially full of sleepless nights and infinite tasks as I really cannot imagine the demands of a child.  But I do believe there is a place that we can go in which we can rest, even in busyness.  And I am excited to learn more about that.  

This process of wanting to create one new habit a month has been slowed, and I am committing to spending the rest of this year studying and pressing into this idea and habit of finding this place of rest that God offers to all of us.  The promise that was revealed to me in line with this pursuit is found in Matthew 11:28-30.  Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest in your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I have committed to confessing this verse EVERY DAY for the next year of my life.  The more I read it and meditate on it, the more I realize I have no idea how to rest.  I have no idea how to find that place.  But I trust and believe that this promise God made will come to pass as I continue to press towards it and as I ask.  My latest confessions have sounded something like this, "God you have said that we can come to you when we are weary and burdened, and You have promised us that You will give us rest.  This is a busy season of my life that seems as if it will only get busier in the upcoming months and years, but I press into find that place of rest that you have offered.  I desire to walk at your pace of life and live with an easy burden and light yoke that you extend to me.  Show me how to be a teacher and wife and friend and now mom all at the same time.  Teach me the unforced rhythms of grace as I enter this season of parenting and show me the pace of life that you desire." 

3. The promised land is flowing with milk and honey. (Exodus 33:3)  In the description of the promised land, the Israelites were offered a place that is FLOWING with milk and honey.  When I looked up the word flowing I found: graceful, without interruption, proceed smoothly and continuously, easily, abounding in, having excess.  I took this for our story to mean that the transition into this season of parenting will flow and the adjustment will be easy.  We are still in a place of adjusting to all of the ways our life and dreams and plans have changed, and while that is no longer a painful experience we are still in the midst of it.  And I believe this new transition and adjustment of adding another member into this family will be smooth.  I choose to speak out that this transition will be easy, continuous, and abounding in fruit.  I see the promised land of our life as parents as a place full of life and trees bearing much fruit.  And I believe my husband and I will flourish as parents.  Not because we know what we are doing or will not make mistakes, but because we are confident that God will guide us as we seek to raise our daughter to know Him.  When thinking that the promised land for the Israelites was flowing with milk and honey, it was revealed to me that our promised land will be flowing with life, productivity, provision, health, support, gifts, energy, joy, and delight.  

Now all we have to do is learn how to enter that place of rest to receive all that God has for us.   

*As a side note, another great truth I discovered is that everyone's wilderness and promised land experiences are so vastly different.  I have friends for whom getting pregnant has been a wilderness.  One couple we know and love had to wait SEVEN YEARS before they were able to conceive.  I cannot imagine how painful that time was.  Seven years.  And now they have two gorgeous children. I have other friends for whom having a newborn has been a wilderness experience full of dryness, insane hormones and baby blues, no sleep, and non-stop colic.   Our wilderness was a different experience entirely.  I realized that our promised land may be someone's wilderness just like our wilderness may have been someone's promised land.  As I have wrestled with the seeming injustice of watching friends struggle with what has come so easily to us, I have learned that we each have our own journey and that comparing is so unproductive as no one's pain or struggle can be compared to another.  But I do believe that just like we all have a wilderness season, we ALL get a season of promised land.  We do not have to stay stuck in the wilderness, as the wilderness experience always leads to a promised land.  And I am not claiming that this promised land will be the new place we camp out and live for the rest of our lives, but I do believe that this upcoming this season will be one of ease, rest, and promises being fulfilled in our lives.  There is power in naming your wilderness and promised land, I am confident that we are all offered both. 

Habit #9: Rest 

August: Take A Deep Breath

My goal this month was to enter a place of rest and to relax.  Literally, to hibernate and sleep as much as possible as I know that may be something we will be short of in the months ahead.  But even more than that, to enter a place of rest in my lifestyle.  To set my intense and focused and disciplined and activator personality aside and enter a place of rest and relaxation in how I spend my time and what I allow to take place in my thinking.  That was my goal at the beginning of the month, and as the month comes to a close I can say that I did ok.

The relevance of this goal was confirmed as we began to take child birth classes and on the first night of class, August 1st, the teacher introduced the idea of having a successful labor to one specific word: relaxation.  We have spent the entire month learning about the importance of relaxing accompanied by specific skills as to how to relax.  Breathing techniques, stretches, and relaxation activities were just a few of the strategies we have learned about and practiced this past month.  And the timing for such a challenge could not have come at a better time as this month has been filled with chaos as the beginning of a new school year came way to early this year.  School is ALWAYS intense for me as I want to get every book labeled and in its place, every lesson perfectly planned, and every pencil sharpened before the students arrive.  Not to mention school, we are now one month closer to baby time.

The financial crunch feels tighter and tighter as we approach the unknown medical bills that come with having a baby along with 3 months without pay during maternity leave.  My husband's new job comes with incredible benefits, which all three of us will be eligible for on November 1st.  Our guess date as to when our little peanut could enter the world is October 31, so we are surely cutting it close.  Basically we are in a situation where if she is born in October the cost will be around $2,700 which is my out of pocket maximum and if she is born in November it could potentially be a few hundred dollars or less as I will have a primary and a secondary insurance plan.  Here we are again, forced to trust that God is in control and that He will provide for us and meet every need.  And as I see the chaos lingering in front of me, I choose now to relax.  I choose now to lay it down.  I choose now to trust.  I intentionally position myself to enter a place of rest and relaxation even in chaos.  To quiet my mind and body and relax.  To stay in that place where I KNOW that God is enough and that He will meet all of our needs.

An incredible revelation I had this month which is linked into this idea of relaxation can best be described through a quote from Joyce Meyer:

It is easy to trust God when things are going well.  But when things are not going well we develop character by trusting God in our difficult situations.  And the more character we develop, the more our ability can be released  That is why I say that stability releases ability.  The more stable we become, the more our ability will be released because God will know that He can trust us.

Many people have gifts that can take them to places where their character cannot keep them. Gifts are given, but character is developed.  ...  By disciplining our emotions, our mouths, and our moods, we become stable enough to remain peaceful whatever our circumstances, so that we can walk in the fruit of the Spirit- whether we feel like it or not.  The more stable we become, the more our ability can be released through us.

I underlined the part that stood out to me.  I have been given gifts of being focused, disciplined, hard working, and driven.  I can easily tune out the world to work on a project or complete a task.  And while this part of who I am and how I function is a strength, it also reveals my greatest weakness when it pulls me away from relationships and blocks me from being able to engage in relaxation.  This gift of discipline can cause me to get easily distracted and this discipline can snowball out of control to a place in which my body is lacking rest and my mind is lacking peace.  For example, in my classroom I can get more concerned with typing out detailed lesson plans for what I am going to teach when there is a student right in front of me who needs my full attention.  At home I can get so caught up in cleaning our home that I rarely sit and enjoy it.

The lesson I learned this month and the key to my success in this pregnancy and in my future life as a parent, is to relax.  Is to lighten up.  To keep one eye on my tasks and one eye on others and also on my self and my body and what I need.  There have been days this month where I have not sat down until 8:00 pm.  (This is why I said the month of "relaxing" was ok.)  Were there really nonstop NEEDS that I was pursuing?  No, but I managed to find things to clean and put away and straighten up and went a little over the top at school and home trying to get everything in its place before my precious baby comes and steals all of my time and attention.  And while I have gifts, I need those gifts to be disciplined and developed so that I can be used by God.  So that my character can keep me in a place in which I can truly operate in my gifts. I identified that this inability to relax, to know when to rest, is one of my greatest weaknesses which is holding me back from all that God could do in and through me.  I was convicted as I called to mind the command God has given us to rest.  Exodus 2:8 says, "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God."  This is a discipline we plan to maintain as a family, especially when our daughter is born. 

My biggest fear as a parent is that I will be more focused on meeting my daughter's needs (feeding, laundering, changing clothes, cleaning bottles) that I will miss the precious moments with her.  I have this bad habit of living in the future, either one day or week or month ahead of the present in attempts to stay on top of things.  I am learning to discipline my mind to stay present and to live day by day.  I had a nightmare years ago that haunts me to this day: it projected my life years into the future when I have adult children and one day I woke up and realized that I had missed their lives.  I had been so focused on tasks, on checking off to do lists, on grocery shopping and finishing laundry and having a neat house and making meals and getting things done, that I had missed the moments.  I didn't know them as adults.  And this terrified me and made me realize that in order to parent, I need to change.  I want to change.  I want to learn how to relax.  How to sit and rest.  How to enjoy.  How to just be present in the moment.  And I am still learning.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  Philippians 4:6
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:34

My soul finds rest in God alone. Psalm 62:1-2

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you, not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let your heart not be troubled nor let it be fearful.  John 14:27

Habit #8: Relax

July: Confessing the Word

Because last month was so overwhelming and I bit off way more than I could chew, I successfully got back on pace this month with a more structured habit that we have already began to implement into our lives.  Despite the incredible power and fruit we have seen from this spiritual discipline, before this month began I realized that in the midst of so many new and wonderful things to think about (aden and anais bibs or babies r us bibs?  Neutral colors or girly pink?)  this life changing habit had slipped off our radar.  I refer to this discipline as structured because it is not as ambiguous as "learning about labor" and simply takes 5 minutes a day.  Let me tell you that those are 5 of the most power packed minutes of the day, and I can speak from the experience of having kept this discipline in the past of which I am still reaping fruit.  It is simple after the footwork.  This habit and life changing discipline I am referring to is confessing the Word of God.  I was initially exposed to this concept through Joyce Meyer, and she explains it much better than I could.

When we speak what we believe as the Psalmist did in Psalm 116:10, we are making a "confession."  I recommend having a list of confessions- statements or declarations that can be backed by the Word of God- things you can speak aloud over your life, your family, your circumstances, and your future.  

And my husband and I did this that entire year of pain during his legal situation.  We did this.  We typed out the Word and all that we were standing on and believing for and asking for.  We prayed and confessed those truths daily in our own home and handed that list out to dozens of prayer warriors to stand and pray and agree with us.  And our lives today are fruit of those declarations.  Our baby girl is fruit that God can move our sins as far as the east is from the west.  I think I confessed that promise more than any other during the past year.  I remember walking into the court room on the day he was going to be sentenced and asking God to SHOW ME how far the east is from the west.  And here we are.  27 weeks after his release we are 27 weeks closer to meeting our baby girl.  Our testimony and delight and reminder of our gracious Father.  

So my husband and I sat down again at the beginning of this month to write a new list of confessions.  A new list of promises we can find in the Word and CLAIM, not because we deserve them, but because God promised them to us.  Sometimes I have felt like I got this 20 dollars off coupon from target with NO restrictions (unheard of, right) and I don't go to ever cash it in.  That is how I feel I treat God's word and His promises at times.  They are right there, lingering.  But we must activate them.  So at the beginning of this month we wrote down all of the promises we were confessing as our own.  Our most current weakness has been finances.  I feel as if every day that goes by, as we approach the unknown financial needs of raising a child, my faith and trust in God has slipped one tiny notch.  So many of our confessions are declarations of what God has promised us in regards to finances.  Others are promises we pray and believe and confess over our daughter.  

Our list is long (at the end we always say, we want it all!) but here are a few highlights...

With our finances:

*Give and it will be given to you- a good measure.  Pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Luke 6:38

MEN WILL GIVE UNTO US

*And this same God who takes care of me will supply all of your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:19

GOD WILL MEET EVERY NEED

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten away.  Joel 2:25

GOD WILL RESTORE WHAT WAS EATEN AWAY

*Those who seek the Lord [by the right of their need and on the authority of His word], none of them will lack any beneficial thing.  Psalm 34:10

WE WILL HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED

*Remember this- whoever sows sparingly will reap sparingly and whoever sows generously will reap generously.  Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.  2 Corinthians 9:6-7

CONTINUE TO GIVE AND WE WILL REAP

*Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth... but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Matthew 19-21

MAINTAIN PERSPECTIVE ON WHAT REALLY MATTERS

With our daughter:

*Our daughter will make right choices according to the Word of God.  Isaiah 54:14

*Our daughter will walk and live habitually in the Holy Spirit.  She will be responsive to and guided by the Spirit.  Galatians 5:16

*Our daughter will have the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the deep and intimate knowledge of God. Her eyes will be flooded with light, so that she can know the hope to which He has called her, and how rich is His glorious inheritance for all of the saints.  Ephesians 1:17-18

*God has filled our daughter with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.  She will live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, strengthened with all power according to His glorious might.  Colossians 1:9-10

*When our daughter commands a mountain in her life to move, it will move according to her faith.  Matthew 17:20

This simple 5 minute practice of confessing these truths and promises aloud, together, has reminded us yet again of the power of speaking, confessing, and praying God's Word.  When we don't know what else to pray, His word guides us.  We have seen incredible fruit this season.  We have seen MEN GIVING UNTO US.  We had our first baby shower and it was a smaller one with close family members and the gifts people brought blew our minds.  Their generosity and creativity was more than we could have ever asked for or imagined or thought.  This month we received a hand sewn quilt from a lady at our old church- sent to us in the mail.  What an incredible blessing!  Beyond the incredible gifts- we received checks- literally checks have shown up to meet needs.  This word that we have confessed and asked for has been activated and we have been blessed this month with more than we could have ever asked for or imagined or thought.

Even beyond the financial, other needs have been met.  An incredible family allowed us to stay at their cabin to celebrate 3 years of marriage this month!  Plus we already have an incredible childcare situation in place for when I go back to work in February!  What an incredible relief, and from talking with other friends who have recently had babies, it is almost unheard of for such a decision to already be decided so early on before the baby is even born.

The fruit we have seen so far gives us confidence that these truths we continue to confess will continue to manifest themselves in our lives.  That EVERY SINGLE NEED will be met.  That the generosity of those in our lives will continue to bless us in small and huge ways, and that God will be enough for us in every way.

And while we have not met our baby girl yet, we are confident that the truths we are confessing over her life will come to pass as we activate the power of prayer and God's word.  We cannot wait to meet her!  This is certainly one habit worth maintaining!

Habit #7: Confess God's Word

June: One Big Step

I did it again.  Despite my deepest desire to pace this pregnancy month by month with grace and calmness, taking one manageable step at a time, I attempted a teensy sprint which got me running out of control and feeling completely overwhelmed.  Within a two day span I had written the first draft of my entire birthing plan and attempted to register for everything, while also trying to balance the regular load of work I have plus editing a book and being a good wife and friend and healthy spiritual being.  I took all of that on at one moment, which resulted in a very overwhelmed pregnant lady.  As a side note, this two day span in which I chose to attempt a "sprint" happened to be on the two busiest and most tiring days of the year for a teacher, the last two days of school.  I feel like all of the tangible tasks that needed to be done in my classroom kick started this spiral situation in which I got on a "roll" and then suddenly applied that to every single area of my life, trying to take everything on at once to just be done so I could have my summer and truly relax.  

But then I got even more overwhelmed, if that was possible, because I realized that this demand for my time and energy is not going to end anytime soon.  Except that these things I "need to do" right now are not really legitimate stressors, and that in about 4 months the things I will "need to do" are really going to be actually life and death things like not only continuing to care for my high maintenance self but also an entire life who will be completely dependent on me (and my husband).  Help me Jesus.  -June 13 

As my diary entry reveals, this month was packed full of activity and as I sit down to reflect it feels like we have come one big step closer to meeting our miracle in the flesh as the information we have received this month has made the reality that we will soon have a child insanely real.  While I feel much more calm than I did during that entry, I look back and see that it was quite a month filled to the brim.  Because of my lack of pacing, it is only in hindsight that I can identify that there were actually two completely separate focuses and habits that we tried to implement this month, and therefore there are two main forces of this huge giant, man step which can be best summarized in the headings: labor discussions and finding out the gender!

1. Labor Discussions.

There is a reason I was very intentional to take this pregnancy month but month; from the moment I saw that blue line there was one lingering thought, one lingering day to be specific, that has brought enough concern to force myself to create some planning boundaries- LABOR.  From the beginning, I have been dreading thinking, reading, or talking about delivery.  I am not exactly sure why, but I think my lack of awareness as to my own physical strength is overwhelming to me along with my general lack of education about labor and fear of pain.  In this month of finally opening the door I instantly closed upon becoming pregnant, I have talked with just about every kind of woman in the entire world- those who knew they would have never made it without as many drugs as possible to those who have complete confidence in their physical stamina and strength.  I have talked with woman who have accepted an epidural from the moment they entered to room to those who have hired Doulas in their quest and desire to have a natural labor, and just about everyone in between.

After the month I can conclude that I have a desire to deliver this baby as naturally as possible and healthily for the child and I.  There is NOTHING I am opposed to and nothing planned at this point, just ideas.  I am thankful for so many women who were willing to be so open with me as to share the intimate experience of their labor and delivery.  Besides our many wonderful friends, my husband and I started learning about this new topic by attending some amazing classes through the childbirth collective center.  Through sitting through these sessions, I have learned what kinds of questions to ask myself when writing a birthing plan.  And the biggest question that surfaced which we have spent much time in prayer about is: what kind of labor do I want?

My revelation was that I want my delivery to be a worship experience, and the atmosphere to be that of a worship service.  Anointed.  Thick.  Safe.  Free.  Low lights.  Music.  Prayer.  Scripture.  Power.

I attended a concert this month and was extremely aware of the atmosphere in the room throughout the night having this idea of a delivery/worship experience on my radar.  There seemed to be an openness in the room.  I saw many people weeping.  I saw people on their faces before their Father.  There was a release of pain in the room.  I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in an indescribable way.  There was healing and breakthroughs and incredible power.  It was as if I was sitting in the natural world, but also as if there were twinklings of the supernatural.  And this is the same atmosphere I desire to be in when I deliver my child into the world.  That the miracle of what I am so remarkably invited to be a part of would take my breath away (not literally, I learned a lot of important breathing techniques!)  That I would engage in the experience of such a miraculous moment of time.  That I would access and activate the power and presence of Jesus Christ as I walk on this conveyer belt to much pain.

And however this unfolds, so be it.  At this point I don't really care about drugs or not, I care about a healthy baby and healthy mama and a supernatural experience.  What an incredible lesson, to stay open and trust that this near death experience (as a few have worded it throughout the month) will end well, with a wonderful, amazing, beautiful, healthy baby girl.   Oops.  I've already slipped.  Onto our next point.

Habit #6a: Learn about labor and delivery. 

2. Our Little Baby Girl.  

I can't even describe to you how incredibly wonderful it is to have discovered this month that inside my womb right now is a precious little girl.  Even the thought of it makes me emotional for so many reasons.  While it would be dishonest to not bring up the fact that we were initially shocked to discover such news, that was most certainly a spiritual experience rather than preference.  Never once did we claim to "want" a boy, we were just certain that we were having one.  Remember the entire month of April that we set aside to pray about names, coming together at the end of the month with total confidence of both having heard the same name?  Well that name was CLEARLY a boy's name.  Our confidence and certainty that we were expecting a boy came from this and other supernatural promptings and visions we believe we had seen and heard over the past months and even years.  It was a great lesson for my husband and I to recognize that we were very, very wrong, that we have much to learn about discernment and visions, and that we are not, in fact, God and never will figure Him out.  And once we got over the spiritual shock, then the true reaction of sheer thrill and delight came as God's plan and gift of a girl also came like a rushing wind and overwhelmed us both with absolute awe and wonder.

You see, just 22 weeks ago now my husband was walking out of jail.  Only a gracious and merciful Father would look at my dear husband, the moment he stepped out of jail, and say to him, "Yes-I trust you with a daughter," who we can later confirm was conceived shortly after his release.  This miracle of a girl reveals God's gracious character in such an overwhelming way.

It testifies to God's Word when it says:

Psalm 103:11-12, For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is His mercy towards those who fear Him.  As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Hebrews 8:12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and lawless deeds I will remember no more.  NKJV

Hebrews 10:17  I will not remember their sins and evil deeds any longer.

2 Corinthians 5:19  God did not keep an account of their sins.

Isaiah 43:25 I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins.

Jeremiah 31:34 I will forgive their sins and I will not longer remember their wrongs.  I, the Lord, have spoken.

God has so quickly forgotten and purified our past.  I went back to read the January post about "White as Snow" and this little girl kicking and moving inside me PROVES that this is true.  We believe parenting is stewardship, and that God would forgive and forget and then trust us to raise His daughter is too much for words.   Her life is a testimony and will constantly remind us that God is gracious.  

As we are in awe of our gracious father, one word we have gotten is to delight in our daughter.  This word came to us through the inspiration of a scripture that we cling to so tightly in our own understanding of our Father's love for us and now for our daughter as well.  "For the Lord your God is living among you.  He is a mighty savior.  He will take delight in you with gladness.  With His love, He will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."  Zephaniah 3:17  This word delight stood out to us, and when I look that up in the dictionary.com it says: a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy- something that gives great pleasure.

No problem obeying that command.  My husband declared that he was going to wear pink every day until she is born, he now reads and sings to her often, and we can't stop wondering and dreaming and planning and thinking and talking about her.  We can't stop staring at her little profile in the ultrasound picture we were given.  The way the ultrasound worked is that they showed us everything else before revealing her gender, and so we got to see her for a good 45 minutes before we know it was "her."  Even though we walked into the room with confidence in our boy name and theory, once we saw her face and before we knew she was a she, we both kind of looked at each other with bewilderment and without needing to say anything had the same thought," She is way too beautiful to be a boy."

Delighting in her has been the easiest command we have yet received and we can imagine that this will only deepen as we approach that incredible day when we get to meet her face to face.  And we KNOW that as deeply as we delight in and love and cherish our baby girl, that God's love for her is infinitely greater than ours will ever reach. And that, too, has overwhelmed us this month.

This little girl will be our deepest delight and constant proof that God is gracious.

 Everyone who thought it was going to be a boy...

"Everyone" who thought it was going to be a girl...

 Two excited grandmas!

Habit #6b: Delight in our daughter. 

May: Creating An Atmosphere

I would like to remind you of this 17 year old girl who had her fully boxed boxes of college needs, including shampoo and conditioner, about six months before moving into college, all ready and labeled and organized and ready to go.  I will testify that God has brought much change and maturity to that planned part of my former personality, HOWEVER, I still and always will love a little planning!  May has been the first month of this pregnancy that I have allowed myself to indulge in such joys.  Of course I created boundaries on this planning, and the capacity to implement those boundaries with such ease is a testimony to God, because without harnessing my natural instincts I would already have the baby lotion and wipes and diapers and bedding purchased and set up in the room, ready to go.  But God.  

This month we took some time to create an atmosphere in the bedroom our child will spend much of the early months of their life.  This was a process that demanded much work both in the natural and supernatural realms.  In the natural, we were so graciously given a beautiful crib that we were thrilled to receive and immediately set up; we also picked out and purchased and assembled a dresser for the child’s belongings, and for the first time we let ourselves plan out a little map for the child’s room of where everything could potentially go.  We spent hours in that room this month planning and dreaming about who our child might be and ways we could make their bedroom a sweet place of rest for him or her.  This was not only incredibly fun, but also made the fact that in five months we will be bringing a precious human life into our home much more of a reality.  

In the supernatural realm, we were also quite busy.  We believe that there is a supernatural world of which we cannot see but are very much a part of in our every day lives.  Ephesians 6:12 says, “Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”  We believe we live in a battle, constantly persuaded by good and evil and we understand there to be an enemy who desires to bring destruction into our lives.

Over the last year we have studied our authority to create an atmosphere that is life giving and full of light and goodness.  This learning began with the process of praying through the times we spent in the courtroom.  While praying before entering that room for the first time, I saw SO CLEARLY a picture of the supernatural world.  We were praying for the presence of the Holy Spirit to fill the room, for the blood of Jesus to cover those doorposts, and we bound any darkness that sought to dwell in that physical space, knowing the influence of such unseen powers.  And through this time in prayer I SAW all of the powers of darkness outside of the room pounding on the doors to come in, but they were being held back by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ.  This idea of the power of the blood goes back to the bible in the Old Testament when the Israelites would cover their doorposts with the blood of a sacrificed animal so that darkness would pass by and their sins would be forgiven.  When Jesus Christ came and died as the ultimate sacrificial lamb, we now have access to the power that comes through His blood and we plead it and use it as a weapon in this supernatural world.  Darkness cannot pass by His blood.  It is too powerful as it represents our total and complete forgiveness.  

In addition to His blood, we have been given much authority in this supernatural world to bind and to loose.  The bible says, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.  (Matthew 18:18)  We have authority to bind darkness and loose light.  To bind demons and loose angels.  We have authority through the blood of Christ, the name of Jesus, and the Word.  

We took that lesson of creating an atmosphere and applied it in our home.  I remember walking into our new space for the first time back in August and praying through every doorpost, praying over every room and every inch of our space, for light and goodness and light and praise and worship to fill the atmosphere.  It has always been a desire of my heart to create a life giving space for my husband to come home to in the natural world through the fun of decorating and maintaining the appearance of the physical space and supernatural worlds through bringing in light and life in my own spirit.  

We have this same deep rooted desire for our child.  As we have sought to create an atmosphere for our child, we have two specific requests: 

1. Freedom.  We know that where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  (2 Corinthians 3:17)  And as we continue to maintain that space as a space where the Holy Spirit is welcome and encountered, we believe for the freedom of our child.  Children are so easily influenced by this supernatural world because of their preciousness and innocence and naivety and we view our position as parents as protectors and advocates for our child in this battle.  So we pray for the presence of the Holy Spirit to infiltrate every corner of that room, and for a supernatural freedom to follow as promised in the Word. 

2. Peace.  Because our child will be spending so much time in their early months of life sleeping, we have started praying for a peaceful place where our child can experience sweet sleep.  Proverbs 3:24 says, “When you lie down, you will not be afraid.  Your sleep will be sweet.”  We pray this is the case with our little one.  Because praise and worship music is such an important part of our lives and connection to our Father, we have been intentional this month to spend time in that space in prayer and worship, inviting the Spirit into that room specifically through music.  We believe God inhabits the praises of His people, and worship is a way to invite Him into a space.  So as we worship, we pray for a peaceful sanctuary and space where our child can have sweet sleep.  

Needless to say this has been a fun and full month of much work that we believe will produce much fruit.  We will reap what we sow, and we have already started to sow seeds of life and light over our little baby and the space in which they will dwell. We took this month to create that habit, and we hope this nightly routine of prayer and worship will continue once our child is born as we believe this is an important habit for the spiritual health of our home and daily protection and edification of our entire family.   

Habit #5: Establish a nightly routine

April: What's In A Name?

We set April aside to listen.  

We believe God created our child in this timing for a specific purpose and in His omniscience can already see the whole of his or her life.  We understand the gift of parenting as a position of stewardship.  We recognize that our child is first God’s child, and we are spending this month seeking Him for a name and a life verse that we can speak and pray over this precious life daily and display in his or her room as a reminder of the vision Christ gave us for this life as parents.  We believe words are prophetic, and that through our words we have the power to create and speak things into existence.  Along those lines, we believe names are powerfully and exponentially prophetic. 

What name will God give us for this child?  When we look at the Bible we see the significance of names, particularly through the context of the name changes God gives.  Saul became Paul, Abram became Abraham, Simon became Peter, just to name a few.   Studying these name changes we have learned that there was a significant change in each individual and therefore suitable name, which has confirmed our belief that names are powerful and important to our Father.  We also noticed how some names that were given were closely related to the child’s conception or birth.  For example, when Sarah and Abraham conceived they named their son “Isaac,” which means laughter, because of their response to conceiving in old age. 

We are confident that Christ has a specific name and purpose for our child’s life and were honored to set aside some time to listen and seek His direction.  His sheep hear His voice, and we know that when we draw near to Him He will draw near to us.  (John 10:27, James 4:8)  We know that if we ask for anything in His name, He will do it, and we have spent this entire month asking Him for a name for our child, His child.  (John 14:14)  We are excited at the thought of speaking life into our baby through the name God gives us.  

My husband and I decided to seek our Heavenly Father individually for the month, seeking names and visions and verses on our own.  We did not want to hear any voice or opinion other than our His, not even each others.  And from the beginning of the month we already set aside the last weekend of April to have a staycation, to date and enjoy each other and share all of our revelations and officially name our baby together.  We even have an idea to make a special piece of art that we want to hang in the nursery connected to the name and the life verse we believe God will speak over our little one.  While this will not be revealed until the child’s arrival, we can hardly wait to share it with the world!  

While I will not share the name, I can say I am surprised.  My hubby and I have been in agreement about a boy and girl’s name for years now, and the name we BOTH ave heard during this past month is neither of those we had initially fallen in love with.  So even though this is not a name we had considered before, it has been confirmed to be the name of our baby.  We believe God is the Father and we want HIS name and prophetic vision to prevail.  And we are thrilled!  

Habit #4: Pray the Word for our child daily

March: Saying Thank You

On Saturday, March 2nd we woke up at 4:00AM as curious as ever.  To spare the details of waiting for 2 of the longest minutes of our lives, sure enough: blue +.  We were absolutely speechless.  So speechless that all we could do is laugh.  We could not believe it.  All that came to mind was a promise I remember receiving months ago in which I believe God said, “I will show you a love that will leave you speechless.”  The love and mercy and grace of such a gift of a NEW LIFE completely solidifies everything we have been praying and asking for since my husband’s jail homecoming.  It solidifies the white as snow verse we have been praying for now weeks.  It was as if that very day when we found out about our little miracle, we got to climb into a cannon and shoot so far from the past and enter an entire new land in which everything was fresh and unfamiliarly wonderful.  No more “probation officer” and “felony” talk was going to consume our lives.  We had new things to discuss and anticipate.  And it completely brought life to our belief that we didn’t even smell like smoke so shortly after such a painful walk through the fire.  

As soon as we saw the positive pregnancy test, our speechlessness was only converted into words through a seemingly insufficient THANK YOU to our Creator.  My husband had been out of jail for six weeks now and we were later confirmed to be officially six weeks pregnant.  We never could have dreamed our child would have been created so soon after such a painful season, and we are overwhelmed with thankfulness.  

We have nothing else to say.  

To ensure that our thankfulness would not be a quickly passing reaction, before jumping into the sheer thrill and excitement of such joy and before getting swept away in planning, we set aside the first month to relish in thankfulness and awe of a God for whom nothing is impossible, who makes all things new, and who gives good gifts to His children.  

The bible shares a story about going back to say thank you which put words to our month of intentional thankfulness.  Luke 17:11-19 shares: 

Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him.  They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us.”  When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.”  And as they went, they were cleansed.  One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice.  He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him- and he was a Samaritan.  Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed?  Where are the other nine?  Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?”  Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.

This story recounts that only one leper came back to say thank you.  While there are incredible lessons of faith within this story, what hit me is the reality that it can be so tempting to treat God like some gumball machine, accessing His amazing and miraculous power only when we have a need or want, and then running away with our prized possession as soon as it is in our hands.  We did not want to so quickly forget our Creator who gave us this life simply because of our emotional excitement.  So we were extremely intentional to spend the entire month relishing in His amazingness.  Before looking at any cribs or talking about any names or buying any baby clothes or moving anything in the baby’s room or telling most family and friends, we entered a place of awe and thankfulness.  We do not want to EVER forget our God, the Source of life for now all three of us.  

I feel as if I have been wandering in a desert for the last 17 months, and the news of life growing inside of me is like finding a well of water.  I will never stop praising and thanking Christ for this child’s life and all that it represents.  

Through this baby, God is

bringing life after death 

breathing life into us 

lifting our heads

But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. Psalm 3:3

turning ashes into beauty 

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair.  Isaiah 61:3

restoring health 

A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, good news makes for good health.  Proverbs 15:30

giving us a good gift 

If you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask!  Matthew 11:17

Every good and perfect gift is from above.  James 1:17

giving us a second chance 

The word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time.  Jonah 3:1 

giving us a good thing 

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.  Psalm 84:11

giving us the desire of our heart

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4

During this month of thankfulness and through the miracle of such great news, I saw my husband transform.  I saw the labels that had been placed on him of “felon” and “unemployed” and “failure” erase, only to be replaced with a new role and new purpose.  Words like “protector” and “provider” and “dad” were suddenly restoring the twinkle to his eye.  God is a good God.  And not just when He answers our petty prayers.  He is always good, and we have been declaring His goodness for the last 15 months.  He gives and takes away.  And we are now entering a season in which we get to receive His good gifts.  He is a loving Father and He gives good gifts to His children.  (Matthew 11:17) 

And He is the lifter of our heads. (Psalm 3:3)  I saw my husband LOOK UP.  After internally looking down in shame for a year, I saw his spirits rise and I saw him look up.  He still does not have a job and is asking for work that can position him to provide for our family again.  But we know it will come.  I was actually getting impatient and a bit concerned about his lack of work UNTIL we found out that we were going to have a baby.  I know God’s word says that He meets every need, and our financial needs just increased in a HUGE way, so for me this means that God will provide a well paying job very very soon.  

It was through the process of sharing with a friend about our precious miracle that I was enlightened to the title of this blog as, “a new book.”  When rejoicing about this new life, someone mentioned, “It is like a whole new chapter for you guys” to which I completely agreed.  But then my friend chimed in, “It is really like a whole new book.”  

And it really is.  And we are thankful.  We run back to say thank you.

Habit #3: Say thank you